I wish my penis had an off switch
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
