Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize