Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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