I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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