Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Still dying that you shit outside
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
