So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
