i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
