first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
