My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
