I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
whose parrot is this?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
