just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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