I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
