his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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