I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
