bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
