And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
