We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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