So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
