shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
