Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
