haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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