The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We left the knife in your bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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