I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
