just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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