i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i drank out of a bidet.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
