Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
