question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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