I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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