If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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