PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
