You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
