i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
