he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
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Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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