I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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