I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
