There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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