I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
