id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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