I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.