yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
