Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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