all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
