i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
