just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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