We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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