i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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