Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
