I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
