Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
