I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
