Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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