so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
