i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
