i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
