I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
