I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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