I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
