I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
