Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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