I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
