oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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