I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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