NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
