That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
