I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
