My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
