Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
