Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there's paper in my vomit.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
