I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
