i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Life is so much better after having sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
