Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
