maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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